You know what I do? I’m such an idiot. You know what I do? I forget how good I have it. I bellyache when things don’t go my way. I bitch when the coffee gets cold. I whine about my double-vision and having to look like a friggin pirate now, but you know what? I should seriously STFU.

It hit me the other night in the rain. The Magic House does it again. The sound of the rain on the roof, the reflections in the lake, the cool winter smell of the wind off the mountain. It healed me. Looking at it with one eye didn’t make it any less beautiful. Getting older, it seems, let me take a few things for granted. I got complacent. I let little things get me down, stupid things.

Then I looked around. In the fading light of a rainy day I saw myself as I am. I’m good. I’m reasonably healthy, I could eat a little more but I don’t look too bad naked. I had to check. I was feeling old. I’m not old yet, but I am older. Wiser? Perhaps. However, I don’t feel like I can accomplish as much as I used to. That’s OK though, however young I am in my head I’m not 19 anymore.

Man, that guy got shit done. I’m also not 30 anymore, not 40 anymore, not 50 anymore, not 60 either. You know what? Screw that. I’m not 70 yet. I’m not a great grandpa yet. I just got a new truck. I wanna start a band or something. Build a few tree houses or something. See parts of the world I’ve never seen.

I took this picture. It doesn’t do it justice, but this is what it looked like the next time I sat in that chair. The rain was gone, great clouds, two skies, the lake like glass, snow on the upside-down mountain. Bird sounds and sparkly everything in the morning sun. It could be worse.

I still want to be a better dad, a better husband, a better musician and all that. I still have songs with no lyrics. That’s ok too. Some never will. I’m doing ok. I’ll get to live forever as long as you keep playing my songs. Don’t take shit for granted. Things aren’t as bad as they seem.

I wrote this a long time ago, when I was younger. Sitting in that same chair, listening to the rain on the roof feeling like I had nothing but time.